Sir, Please Step Out Of The Car
by DerangedButMagic
Summary: Zim gets a drivers license! Hurrah! It's not as good as it sounds to him, for it is a trap leading the victim to a migrane headache. Rated PG-13 for safety, and because someone gets arrested! Please read and review!
1. Da License

Disclaimer: I do not own things that do not belong to me… Myeep. So, EVERYTHING BELONGS TO THEIR PROPER OWNER! Okay?  
  
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Chapter One- Da License  
  
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Another day-  
  
It was just another day in Zim's city. A few bank robberies, (the robbers got away of course, because the cops are so stupid), a few explosions, a few chaotic moments at skool, the usual. Skool had just ended for the day and students were pouring into the middle of the streets and sidewalks rushing to get home.  
  
As Zim neared the base, he noticed a shiny silver ball running in circles. Screaming could be heard from the house as well. Zim finally opened the door, only to be pounced on GIR.  
  
GIR licked Zim's face, making him scream. "Hellllooooo, master!," Gir greeted with a cheerful smile.  
  
"Gir… Ger offa meh," Zim begged.  
  
"Okie dokie."  
  
Gir jumped off of Zim's abdominal area with force.  
  
"ARGH! MY SQUEEDLYSPOOCH," Zim screamed in pain.  
  
Gir handed Zim a golden envelope.  
  
"What's this… HUMAN device I have been given, Gir?"  
  
"Ionno."  
  
Gir blinked.  
  
"OPEN IT, OPEN IT, OPEN IT, OPEN IT," Gir shrieked.  
  
Zim shuddered. "Fine… I'll open this… THING." Zim ripped it open and a card fell out. An electronic voice boomed from the envelope.  
  
"CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE BEEN APPROVED OF HAVING A DRIVERS LICENSE! ALTHOUGH YOUR UNDERAGE, WE'RE GIVING OUT FREE LICENSES FOR GIGGLES, AND SOCIETY LACKS TOO MUCH INTELLIGENCE TO CARE," the annoyingly cheerful electronic voice boomed.  
  
Zim looked at the license and saw his picture on it.   
  
"Ooo. It's pretty," Zim said looking at the shiny parts of the license…  
  
~~~  
  
…To be continued…^_^ I hope ya liked da fanfic. Please review. I'd appreciate it. ^_^ 


	2. Da Car

Disclaimer: I've said it once, I'll say it again, EVERYTHING BELONGS TO THEIR PROPER OWNER. Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez thee great! ^_^  
  
Chapter Two- Da Car  
  
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A random time of… sometime… (IN THE LAB)--  
  
"What is this… CAR," Zim asked.  
  
Gir held up a finger signaling Zim to "wait a sec" as he sipped some of his Icee. Gir pulled a wire from inside his empty mind full of intelligence and wisdom and connected it to a slot in a giant screen "television".  
  
~~~  
  
Da Movie-  
  
"Soooo… You wanna know everything about driving? You wanna drive on the open road and see new places," a new annoyingly cheerful voice boomed from the speakers.  
  
The screen showed a guy looking away from the road and smiling at some friends in the back-seat, then the road opened up to show a giant pit of lava as the voice spoke. The road was opening up as the car was speeding towards the end of an unfinished road. Finally the guy driving the speeding car noticed the lava and the end of the road and screaming could be heard.  
  
"Ha ha ha," the voice chuckled softy, "That is a major no-no when driving. Always keep your eyes on the road. Don't end up like those silly people."  
  
The screen showed tombstones. Gray-ish hands ripped through the ground and groaning could be heard. A faint voice screamed, "Zombies, GAH! Save me, Mommy! They reek of dookie!" The scene quickly went back to the narrator.  
  
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A few hours later--  
  
  
  
The movie finally got to the part where the meanings of the colors of lights are interpreted.  
  
"-Red means stop… Green means go… and Yellow means, SLOW THE HELL DOWN, YOU FOOL," the narrator screamed.  
  
'The End' finally showed up in words on the screen.  
  
"Let's watch it again," Gir chirped.  
  
"NO," Zim said.  
  
"Awww…" Gir made a heart-melting face. (A.N. You can imagine what it looks like. XD)  
  
"Oookaayyy," Zim said.  
  
"Yay," Gir cheered.  
  
'First, I must get a… CAR,' Zim thought.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Car dealership-  
  
Zim walked towards a shiny black car with tinted windows.  
  
  
  
"Ooo. It's pretty."  
  
  
  
"SO, you like that car," A sneaky voice said.  
  
"Yes, Indeed, I do. How much Earthen-loid doubloons does it take to take this?"  
  
"How much you got?"  
  
  
  
Zim blinked. "Um… Five Earthen-loid-"  
  
"SOLD!"  
  
"Oooh."  
  
'Muahahahaha,' the sneaky, greasy car dealership guy said mentally, 'He gets this piece of crap that will break down any moment for five bucks while I get to keep the car that's NOT made out of cardboard boxes, and some expensive stuff… and stuff…' He blinked.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
In the car--  
  
Zim climbed into the front seat. It was too big for him. He still managed to drive home pretty smoothly avoiding all chaos and insanity.  
  
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The greasy car dealership's car--  
  
'Muahahahaha! I'm Five bucks richer! Oooo. I'm smooth.'  
  
The dealer stomped his foot of the acceleration pedal. 'DAMNIT! What happened to my CAR?' He stomped again, making the "car" fall apart.   
  
"DAMNIT! DAMNIT TO THE ROASTY-TOASTY FIREY PITS OF HELL," The dealer screamed.  
  
There was a car mix-up… INDEED THERE WAS! The dealer got the sad excuse for a car while Zim drove off with a Purdy nifty looking excellent excuse for a car. Indeed he did!  
  
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The base--  
  
"How waaaasssss it," Gir asked in his adorable voice.  
  
Zim grinned.  
  
Gir grinned.  
  
Zim grinned more.  
  
Gir grinned even more… Gir pounced on Zim.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
^_^ Did ya like mah fic? I hope you liked it. Please review! ^_^ 


	3. Da Cop

Disclaimer: I've said it once, I'll say it again, EVERYTHING BELONGS TO THEIR PROPER OWNER.   
  
Chapter Three- Da Cops  
  
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In zee car 'Tis about 10:00 at night-- (A.N. Don't ask why I chose that time. XD Randomness)  
  
Zim fixed up the car making it ever-so-spiffy. He could actually reach the petals, by pulling the pedals upward and the seat closer.  
  
Zim pulled the "stick" in drive mode and put on his seat-belt. (A.N. Wouldn't want our Zimmy-dearest to get hurt, now do we? XD) Zim drove up to the mountains to see how the city would look once it debris was lying about the streets, for when he ruled the Earth and sat down on the hood of the car.  
  
Gir sat next to Zim sneaking his arm around Zim. "So romantic," Gir sighed with a silly grin on his face. Gir was saying this because he watched too many movies. (A.N. What's an adorably, loveable, robot to do everyday when no one's home?)  
  
Zim jumped and fell of the hood. "WHAT are you talking about?!"  
  
Gir giggles insanely and started rolling around on the ground.  
  
"C'mon, GIR. Time to go."  
  
"Okie dokie," Gir said.  
  
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The kind of open road that's not so exposed to a boiling pit of lava--  
  
Zim was driving on the road. Zim and Gir weren't the only ones who were on the road. There was an 18-wheeler truck, a few idiot humans, and an idiot drunk-human. The drunk human had some of his friends stand on the hood of the car and in the back of the truck. The friends were screaming, and dirty-dancing, and stuff… A cop happened to be right at the end of the road.  
  
The drunk drivers were asked to step out of the car.  
  
"Sir, you don't seem to be drinking. You may pass. OH! Wait did you hear about-" the cop engaged in a conversation with the drunk drivers cheerfully. The drunk drivers could be smelt from miles away because of all the alcohol. The cop even smelt it, but like I said in previous chapters, society is stupid. (A.N. ^_^ Heh heh…)  
  
Zim's was trying to see what was going on so he opened his window- even though you can see from the inside out with tinted windows.  
  
  
  
The cop finally stopped talking with the drunk drivers and let them drive off. As Zim slowly drove towards the idiot human cop, the cop blew his whistle in Zim's face and scolded, "SIR! Please step OUT of the car!"  
  
The first thought to go through Zim's incredibly intelligent mind was, "What… The… Hell?" Zim obeyed, he didn't want humans to be so suspicious of his human-disobeying-human-hating-Earth-conquering attitude so soon.  
  
The cop beamed a flashlight in Zim's eyes. "Sir? Have you been… Insane? I smell insanity."  
  
"Eh? No," Zim replied.  
  
"I'm gonna have to ask ya to walk from here-" the cop put duct tape on the side of the road and pointed to one end- "to here," the cops said as he pointed to the other side.  
  
Zim walked in a perfect line. He soon tripped over the cop's foot and muttered a quick swear under his breath.  
  
"AHA! Yer not sane! Sir, I'll have ta take ya into custody," The cop yelled as he slammed some handcuffs on Zim's wrists.  
  
"ARGH," Zim yelped in pain.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
OMR! Zim's been arrested! What shall happen? *sobs* Did ya like zee story? P-please review. T_T 


	4. Da Nurse

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to their proper owners.  
  
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Chapter four: Da Nurse  
  
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Da Crazy House Fer Little Boys--  
  
Zim was being dragged into a room. This wasn't an ORDIANARY room, though. 'Twas a room… WITH SHINY LIGHTS! Oooo! Anyway, he was being dragged into the room "with shiny lights" and was put onto an autopsy table.  
  
"NO! I'M A HUMAN! PLEASE," Zim screamed.  
  
"Of course you are," a pig-ish looking nurse said who had too much make-up smeared all over her pathetic face. The nurse named BOB (who's identity shall be kept anonymous- YES she's a female- her name's BOB for gods sakes), reached to pull off Zim's uniform.  
  
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF IRK ARE YOU DOING," Zim screamed, slapping Bob's hand away.  
  
"I'm taking off your shirt, hun," the nurse said as she winked.  
  
"For WHAT purpose!?"  
  
"I need to change you into your uniform pajama things. Come on, take off your shirt."  
  
Zim growled angrily and glared at Bob. He noticed… Paint on Bob's- WAR PAINT!  
  
"SAVAGE," Zim screamed, "I SHALL DEFEAT YOU AND CLAIM VICTORY IN THIS WAR!"  
  
Bob was confused. VERY confused. Bob shrugged and ripped Zim's top part of his uniform off.  
  
"GAH! I COMMAND YOU TO STOP!"  
  
"Awww… Wazzamattuh? Don't be shy…"  
  
"I'm not changing!" Zim reached for his shirt.  
  
"Yes you are." Bob chased Zim around the room attempting to make Zim change his clothes.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Later-- In Zim's cell- I mean, cozy room with a tiny observe-y-thingy-window of the door and nice padded walls--  
  
Zim managed to manipulate Bob, the nasty nurse to not change his clothes, because of his amazing mind, and was rocking back and forth in the dark corner of the room…  
  
"I… Feel… So… So… So… Violated," Zim whispered as he rocked back and forth some more.  
  
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T_T Aw… Poor Zimmy. *hugs Zim* By the way if you want to torture Bob then here she is. *throws Bob into a pit full of angry reviewers pretending to be snakes* Did you like it? Heh heh. ^_^ Please Review. I'd appreciate it. Thank-you. 


	5. Da Insanity

Disclaimer: EVERYTHING owns to their PROPER OWNER. I don't own Invader Zim.  
  
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Note to zee ARSE-KICKIN reviewers--  
  
WOOT! ^_^ Thanks for the reviews, compliments, and advice! I really appreciate it. ^_^ You've all brightened my incredibly dull day full of stress and anger. ^_^ *throws plushies of everyone's favorite character in the air with pixi sticks* ^_^ Thanks so much!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter Five- Da Insanity-  
  
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Recreation room-  
  
Zim was somehow dragged into the recreation room to "socialize". Bob locked him out of his room so he wouldn't "isolate" himself from he others. (A.N. For those who forgot, Bob is the pig-ish nurse with tons of make-up and skimpy clothes…Bob as a girl's name… *snickers*)  
  
Zim sat in the corner of the room where the broken light was. It was almost impossible to see in there. He was constantly shaking his head because of the others.  
  
"WHERE'S MY PISS POT," someone screamed. Zim jumped.  
  
"DON'T YA MEAN YER BED-PAN," someone screamed in reply.  
  
"I WANT MY PISS POT!"  
  
"WHAZZAT," A girl with a masculine voice yelled.  
  
"Eh," Someone near-by asked.  
  
"I dunno," a man with a voice sounding like he got kicked somewhere "below the belt" said.  
  
Zim's started laughing at the man who's voice sounded like he got kicked "below the belt", thinking he was in pain. He liked humans in pain. Indeed. Yeeesssssss…  
  
Zim grabbed onto the arms of his chair so he wouldn't fall to the floor laughing, heard a sneeze, and got thrown from the chair. It turns out that his chair really wasn't a chair. He was sitting in someone who was posing as a chair's lap. Zim's eyes widened as he saw the "chair" stand up. The "chair" was extremely tall...  
  
"Ug," the "chair" said as he pointed a finger at Zim.  
  
  
  
Zim didn't reply. He just left the room shaking his head.  
  
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I'm SO SORRY everyone! T_T I try so hard to make the chapters long for you all and update every day. *sob* Feh… I guess this chapter wasn't so great. Well I hope you liked the story anyways. ^_^ I'm going to have to think about the next chapter. Sorry if it takes a while. T_T 


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